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Impermanence

by Pseudospace

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1.
Recession 02:48
This place created me And it was cruel I thought they hated me So I fell apart
2.
Proliferate 08:57
All the thoughts inside Spread their branches wide Roots in a blighted soil Constantly collide And I wanna know if it’s true And when I hear whispers, they come from you Wiring twisted and frayed I’m scared of what you’ll never say Anxiety won’t let me be It wasn’t happening anyway And I wish I didn’t feel like an other And I wanna know this too, but where do I start? All dark thoughts inside Carve their branches wide Roots in this blighted earth Constantly collide And so I’ve let the mind go The darkness of ego in control And I think I already know That I’ve let you slip away And I don’t know who I am I feel self itself fading away And I don’t know And I don’t know And I don’t I think I’m lost
3.
Sleepy mornings, night refuses to end Newly free we’re going anywhere the road bends Call it wasting the days, do you think we give a damn? No future that we’re thinking of, life is better without plans We’re fleeing marshes And we’re losing time So I avert my eyes Absent mind, oh absent eyes Absent mind I spend the summer days pretending I’ll make it last somehow And the thought of this ending Makes me miss the now And we’re losing time Attached to moments Absent mind, oh absent eyes Afraid of futures unwritten And all these things that I’m missing Attached to all aversions Absent mind
4.
Yoko Taro 04:48
Sit in filth and I’ll eat it too Without a thought I’ll fill my plate with food And then it’s all gone in an instant I had a chance to look, but I missed it Sinking deeper into my computer chair I watch the people coming in downstairs But I’m not like them I’m so sedentary Their world is mindless and I’m a visionary But it’s just insecurity I need to prove you’re not as good as me I’m distanced for my self esteem because It’s not as high as it may seem Anxiety makes me compare myself to you And drown in all the things that I will never do And it feels as if I’m years behind And catching up is always hard, I find Need validation, ‘cause I guess I lack the strength I will not listen but I’ll keep you at arm’s length I just can’t accept that life’s alright I’m close to happy, but not quite But it’s just insecurity I need to prove you’re not as good as me I’m distanced for my self esteem because It’s not as high as it may seem
5.
Disrupt 07:02
The pieces severed, all the lights expose unreadiness The peace of heaven, all alone try and fail again And still I toil with fragments I can’t make life from them I’m feeling empty, every night I dig some more The pieces missing, what’s the point with nobody there It’s so much easier to know it’s been cast aside I find myself in changing times And as I’ve gained a voice, the words will not form And taking time means it’s never done I choose to leave the child: cast it aside Living in peace I know I’ve never failed, never tried Never again
6.
Anguish 17:50
The winter cut the line Days are wasted, failed to Walk, survive, recover, thrive Martyr for a life I never planned for Others pass me by Imposter Nothing comes of this I have no effect I fake it all And floods rain down And floods rain down I just need to rest Rest alone I’ll just be here Alone in my room with regret There’s never a sign, I’ve made up my mind Send along, digital friend Sunset hair brings the new It all falls through But then I see you As spring breaks through the thaw We reminisce Altered state to help us Talk like this We both felt the same then but never knew till now We don’t have to wait it out, what will we both allow Eyes shift self perception, the code I meant to break As daylight drains from false suns that shine for you The warm glow casts our shadows, cutting through Grown so cold from waiting, on silent summer nights, cease to pretend To be the third one, always meant to fail, beginning marks the end It all collides I dreamed of wasting away with you and the sun-stained waves I wanted to be held And I saw a way out in her And all the stars at night Out of context, we were alright I never liked myself But she made me second guess the things I felt And I felt… I felt at ease with her I could tell her how things really were I’m sorry I let you down, my friend I didn’t mean to be so selfish in the end I thought I did it to survive And part of me thought you’d sympathize But now I know it’s over Acceptance earns no closure And I don’t deserve it from either of you I’ll just be here, alone in my room With my regret and anguish again
7.
Island Line 05:02
The water turns to night Another two miles to go Adirondacks merge with sky The gentle breeze alone And I can’t believe I’ve made it here alone The midday rush arrives They carve reflections into blue I pass the factory on my right The summer starts anew And I can’t believe I’ve made it on my own My shoes sink into sand I rest under the wood pavillion I stare across the lake and see The steps among the millions And I can’t believe I’ve made it here alone I’m changing with the seasons The water turns to night Another mile to go Adirondacks merge with sky The gentle breeze alone
8.
Meditation 07:00
9.
Summer 04:15
Everything is within reach With what I’m missing, I’m at peace And every day is spent at ease And every moment distantly Summer, so long Renewing a newfound faith in me, I have faith in the journey I’m mindful of changes, I’m mindful of yearning Nothing was wasted, it was just learning It’s like I’ve come home From a place far away I’ve never felt so safe Staying awake Summer, so long Nothing looks quite the same I notice details at rest The colors all start to shout With intent Nothing looks quite the same I notice details and fragments Sensations start to get loud Without end
10.
Mudita 06:29
Here we are Like we used to be Again with you Two points converge Edge of new life We’ll all grow old Nowhere, somewhere We cry, ego dies And green colors the breathing silence And I know, we’ll all grow old Said you do You said it too Open to collective Disappear entirely And love covers the silent ego And I know, we’ll all grow old
11.
Apeirodidact 05:18
12.
Impermanence 09:42
There’s nothing to explain The heatwave calls me back to Earth tonight But then I’ve found its place, surroundings start to fade Front row to the mind I’m drifting in and out I’m several lives ago and then returned It’s like this even now A point so far beyond the start somehow And all the joy And all the fear Will disappear It’s taken far too long To tell the story It happens once again And yet I carry on And keep remembering There’s so much still unsaid A house just past the pines Is where it started I wanted to create It feels so far away The memory’s fading I miss the lake, I miss my home And all you shape And all you take Crumbles and fades all away Could be today Don’t be afraid ‘cause all the time We give away Will turn to ash And the love And the pain So impermanent May all your fear disappear Let it bring you here To know your truth

about

Impermanence is a deeply personal concept album, nearly four years in the making, about my life, from childhood and high school up to a very important period of time from 2015 to 2016. It covers challenging themes such as obesity, low self esteem, infidelity, and anxiety. However, the album also explores profoundly positive personal growth and concepts such as meditation, sympathetic joy, physical and mental wellness, and self-acceptance. It is meant to represent a journey, and I hope the music means something to you.

credits

released June 25, 2020

All music composed, performed, produced and mixed by Jake Lester.
Album art by Jake Lester.

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about

Pseudospace Massachusetts

Independent composer, multi-instrumentalist and producer from Massachusetts. Likes the Lydian mode.

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